if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
