I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
