this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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