There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
