You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
