I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
