I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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