Me too!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
