Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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