I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
