Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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