my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
