Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
