Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
