the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
