I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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