she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
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