I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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