party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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