im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
