where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
