i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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