girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think your dad took our porno
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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