I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
