he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.