i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee