My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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