I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
