you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
