Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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