Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
