Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
