What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
