let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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