someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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