This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
