M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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