Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
