mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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