dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
