she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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