you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
