she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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