I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
