i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
