and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
