I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
