super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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