I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
