I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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