he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
