im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
