I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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