Life is so much better after having sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
