Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
