Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
