That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize