Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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