Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
