So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
