My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Are we still banned from the library?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
