She said her name was "party"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize