your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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