evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
