Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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