Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
