you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
