Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
